FIELD TRIP: Dinosaur - The Ride (Disney's Animal Kingdom)

I’ll admit it. I’m a fan of animatronic dinosaurs. I’ll also admit that I’m a fan of Phylicia Rashad. I also enjoy the fine sport of people watching and, more specifically, counting the number of “jorts” that can be seen in a single location at one time without disrupting the very fabric of existence. So, where can you engage with this most unique of Holy Trinities? There is only one place, in fact—Disney’s Animal Kingdom in beautiful Orlando, Florida

Tucked away in the corner of the Animal Kingdom theme park is an area called DinoLand U.S.A. Expecting a full “Flintstone’s experience”, I was pleasantly surprised with its charm and dedication to some science. Yes, you have to deal with bad puns (“Trilo-Bites”…okay, maybe that’s a pretty good pun) and a not-so-subtle homage to road side dinosaur attractions (Chester & Hester’s Dino-Rama)—which both are quite tolerable—but there are some nice models and skeletal casts that dot the landscape and provide some higher-level sophistication. As a fan of Denver, the Last Dinosaur, I was thrilled to see a Corythosaurus; as someone that lives in Chicago (for the time being), I wasn’t as blown away by the replica “Sue”—but I’m sure it is quite a sight for those not lucky enough to make it to the Field Museum. However, after you’ve had your Cretaceous Cooler at the Restaurantsaurus (yes, these are real names), it’s time to make your way to the main reason to go to DinoLand U.S.A.—Dinosaur, the ride.

When the park opened on Earth Day in 1998, the signature attraction was a dark EMV ride called Countdown to Extinction. The ride was immediately re-branded as Dinosaur upon the 2000 release of Disney’s movie—also called Dinosaur. In an unbelievable piece of foresight (or just lazy idea generation on Disney’s part), the protagonist and antagonist of the ride experience—an Iguanodon and Carnotaurus—made their way to the silver screen as the featured dinosaurs in the film. Aside from the titular revision, ancillary changes were made to the attraction—from the dinosaur at the entrance (now the Iguanodon, Aladar, from the film) to slight tweeks to the “scariness” of the ride.

Guests begin their experience by entering the fictional paleontological research facility, the Dino Institute—don’t worry, the lines don’t back-up as much as Expedition Everest; if they did, you would, at least, be treated to a litany of dinosaur fossils, statues, and information plaques to mitigate the boredom. Once you enter the main area of the compound, a beautiful model of a Carnotaurus skeleton greets you. It’s imposing and fierce—and serves as a nice foreshadowing to the animatronic devil that you will eventually be trying to escape from on the ride. Aside from the dangerous theropod (albeit in pure fossil form), you have the luxury of sitting back (well, standing lazily) and listening to the soothing scientific tones of alpha narrator, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Along the walls of the main atrium are fossil remains of a Pteranodon, Protostega, and Albertosaurus—among others. Also, adorning the highest reaches of the walls are stylistically outdated murals depicting life in the late Cretaceous. I found them nostalgic and hauntingly striking.

When you enter the holding room, you are treated to a video featuring Phylicia Rashad (the incomparable Clair Huxtable from The Cosby Show) as Dr. Marsh and Wallace Langham (CSI, Weird Science, Little Miss Sunshine) as Dr. Seeker. The vignette was directed by Jerry Rees (Brave Little Toaster) and presented the riders with the illusion that they will be traveling back in time on a newly designed Time Rover jeep to enjoy a casual stroll in the early Cretaceous period. The opportunistic Dr. Seeker informs the riders that, in fact, we will be traveling to the late Cretaceous—mere moments before the asteroid impact that wiped out the dinosaurs—to capture a tagged Iguanodon named Aladar. Clair Huxtable..I mean, Dr. Marsh…overhears the ambitious Dr. Seeker and seemingly prevents him from sending us to our potential demise. However, as she departs, Seeker’s hack of the “time travel system” is revealed and we are off to save us an Ornithopod.

After being ushered down a staircase to a loading area, you board a Time Rover and set off down the time tunnel. The surroundings morph into stars and then, quickly, into a prehistoric forestscape—and your adventure begins. Dr. Seeker “guides” the Rover as you are jerked around and under a heavy concentration of Cretaceous beasts. Right out of the gate, the ride dodges an ornate Styracosaurus, a feeding Alioramus (poor little Brachychampsa), a maternal Parasaurolophus, and a hungry Velociraptor. Seeker lets you know that you’ve locked on to the coordinates of the Iguanodon so you speedily charge through the forest and stop at the feet of the diabolical Carnotaurus! That's the first of your encounters with our top baddie. The Rover scurries away rapidly as you pass by a behemoth Saltasaurus. The voice of Dr. Seeker implores us to move on as we are running out of time—and, as you take off through the jungle with the sounds of a thunderstorm booming throughout the space, you notice two Cearadactylus youths are perched overhead. Moments later, the Time Rover is plummeting down to avoid a dive-bombing adult Cearadactylus and, moments later, a group of leaping Compsognathus.

After narrowly avoiding a few of your favorite dinosaur buddies, the Time Rover loses control and slides directly into a roaring, full-size Carnotaurus! You speed away—again (notice a trend?)—as Dr. Seeker tries to abort the mission. The jeep narrowly avoids falling trees and even passes poor Aladar (no time for that damn Iguanodon now). Seeker warns the riders to brace for impact as the meteor approaches; he frantically tries to bring everyone home safely. The ride’s pinnacle moment is the final dive under the lunging jaws of a giant Carnotaurus—proving that a third time is not a charm for the brutal carnivore—and the environment slowly fades back into the celestial serenity of the night sky. As you make your way to the de-boarding area, it is shown on the monitors that Aladar did make it through the time tunnel and is wandering the halls of the Dino Institute.

Honestly, I had very little expectations regarding the enjoyment of this ride. First, I was fully expecting the "late Cretaceous" to be filled with popular dinosaurs regardless of their actual time frame of existence. For the most part, they kept the dinosaurs within a good five to ten million year range (and in pop Dinosauria, that's really accurate). The notable exceptions are the Jurassic Compsognathus and the early Cretaceous Cearadactylus. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, the frickin' Iguanodon pre-dated the late Cretaceous by fifty million years! Don't get me started on how all of these dinosaurs—from various corners of the globe—all ended up in the same forest! However, when compared to most other attractions and media properties reviewed on this site, Dinosaur actually stands up quite well (scary, huh?).

We all know that Disney doesn’t produce world-class thrills—but they do a good job on creating an immersive story. For what it is – a family ride, Dinosaur delivers on both in a suitable manner. Are the dinosaurs a bit clunky? Yes. The technology used in more contemporary rides at Disney (Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, for example) are leaps and bounds more advanced; but I like my animatronic dinosaurs a bit on the retro side. If anything, the look, feel, and movement of these robo-saurs complements the overly ‘80s/90’s vibe—alongside Clair Huxtable and the preferred fashion of most Floridians.

The Super Official “Of A Mesozoic Mind” Rating (out of a possible 5 Public Domain Triceratops Heads)

Final Verdict